Wow, I feel like this is the trillion dollar question, what we all are searching for, what we feel we get “close” to, but maybe there is still a part that feels missing …
Myself personally having had ALOT of sex, I feel like I can speak on this topic quite fluidly and honestly. After all it is my work, but it is also my passion in life. One quest my soul has felt to study, navigate, explore and question for many years.
And still each day I am learning….
And here I will share my views, and findings –
Mind blowing, toe curling, multi orgasmic heart opening sex is authentic. It isn’t something that can be acted, played out, is gender specific, can be planned or “made to happen” it certainly doesn’t look like the porn movies, and it can’t be ticked off a sex service list, infact when we do this we remove presence from connection, and go into our heads, which is basically death to connecting intimately. We have lost that moment of passion with our lover. We are no longer present.
To confirm here – I am not speaking about boundaries – boundaries between two consenting adults is vital For us to feel safe, relaxed and lubricated to open to one another (a key point to incredible sex)!
I always like to discuss this with my lovers prior to being intimate – so we BOTH feel safe. What I am talking about refers to placing expectation on another and ticking off boxes. Getting into our heads and away from presence, away from being in the moment with your lover and truly feeling all the pleasure that is available to you in that moment.
For me, amazing sex is when we can allow our bodies to really melt into one another, to not force orgasm and to relax into pleasure without chasing peaks, but more so finding deep pleasure in the slower moments. The intensity that pulses through my body and into my pussy when looking into each other’s eyes, the juiciness of having my ass caressed, the scent of my lovers skin as I kiss and lick them all over, the gentle whispers into my ear that send shivers of pleasure through my whole body, my pussy wet, pulsing and ready to be penetrated and licked just by erotic connection of breath and desire!
And of course orgasms are SO welcome, and multiple to be had. It’s just not THE single most important thing.
If we allow – Time starts to blur into one delicious melting pot of connection and pleasure (This is where ancient sexual practices speak of spiritual growth and reaching higher realms) it’s truly magic.
But to allow this type of connection, it takes time, trust, and actually taking things SLOWLY (An art long lost in modern times- and also a reason why I truly value long bookings) .
Now also a side note here, as human beings we also have an inner animal, a primal instinct of basically just wanting to fuck, tear each other’s clothes off and go straight for the big O, we feel sometimes it can’t be contained and sex can be pretty wild, basic, primal. AND there is also NOTHING wrong with this.
My point is just to state that this is not the only way to have sex, as this type of love making is really rooted in our base chakra, and doesn’t allow sexual energy to circulate through our bodies as slower more present sex does which can bring a whole heap more of pleasure and heart opening and healing energy to our lives.
I think it’s really important to not say one way isn’t better than the other, but from personal experience I’ve found that I’ve had much more profound experiences of heart opening and pleasure when I’ve come into full presence.
Also- I can speak for myself over the years that I was the complete opposite of my writing above for majority of my early 20s (I’m 28 now).
I chased orgasm, thought great sex was all about projecting my energy outwards, being an athlete in the bedroom and ticking every sex position you could imagine, not cultivating my own bliss, acting out being a porn star, and allowing my boundaries to be crossed- countless times- thinking this was what men and women wanted. But in truth, all I did was limit connection and pleasure for myself and my lovers.
When I got real and became authentic to my own needs and desires, I also allowed my lovers to be the same way. Vulnerability and surrender is a beautiful thing (And something I am still working on too 😉
So there you have it my lovers, real, honest truths….
And again, I will tell you…
“Loving connection is the only cure”
So much love,